After multiple stalks of corn sprouted up through rough patches along city roads, the Sioux Falls City Council has agreed they should not fix roads to “allow more crop growth throughout the city.”

“We’re here to make Sioux Falls better, and by not fixing roads we are encouraging the growth and beautification of Sioux Falls through South Dakota’s agricultural roots. All of the puns in that sentence were completely intentional, for the record. What a lot of people don’t know, is that our recent road corn stalks that sprout brought a lot of tourism money to the city, so we’re going to double down on it!” said one city councilor we spoke with.

Local gardeners are skeptical about the plan, though, as they say it doesn’t go far enough to allow citizens the “freedom of planting.”

“They’re going to put taxes and restrictions on whatever you want to plant. If you want tomatoes, you’re only going to be allow certain potholes on certain streets for a hefty fee that has a tax attached to it. You also run the risk of some asshole ruining everyone’s fun by uprooting it while no one is looking and making everyone even more pissed off than they already are. And don’t even get me started on wanting to plant hemp!” said one local gardener we spoke with.

No word on what restrictions might be attached to the deal.

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White