OSHA, or the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, has fined Smithfield Foods 500 Monopoly dollars and a nice holiday ham for their failure to protect their employees when COVID-19 first arrived.

“We believe this is a fair fine and we believe the future holds nothing but safety and well-being for our employees. OSHA does a great job in making sure employees feel safe inside and out. We happily welcome any further inspections that might happen in the future and will continue to compensate employees during this time of uncertainty. We also hope OSHA enjoys the holiday ham we’ve sent their way for their good work!” read the Smithfield statement.

OSHA issued a statement soon after the news broke, as well.

“We at OSHA take these types of things very seriously. Most of the Monopoly dollars go to keeping the agency afloat, especially during these uncertain times. We understand that Smithfield workers only make around 12 Monopoly dollars an hour, so the harsh fine we slapped them with should really send a message on how super-duper serious we are!” read the OSHA statement.

OSHA continues to monitor the situation, and will quickly up the 500 Monopoly dollar fine if Smithfield messes around again.

Citizens are still waiting to see how many Monopoly monies the city gets after OSHA looks at the Big Sioux River, but that’s above my pay grade.

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White

Photo: Google Street