To show how silly wearing a mask in your own car is, Sioux Falls police officers have begun pulling people over and giving them red clown noses.

“It’s not an offense at all, unless you think their mask looks tacky with their outfit, but that’s a whole different story. We want to ensure drivers are safe, but if you think wearing a 10 cent mask is going to save your life while driving a 2,000 pound vehicle next to Iowa and Minnesota drivers, you’ve got another thing coming,” said one officer we spoke with.

While some drivers claim to be “just doing it for safety” the police officers believe the masks could add to driver distraction.

“If their mask is falling down and they’re obsessed with keeping it up or doing whatever they do with masks, it could lead to distracted driving. This is especially the case if you’re a new driver or an old driver who already has trouble seeing over the steering wheel. We also got a killer deal on all the noses, so we saved some money there for the people who want to defund us,” said the officer.

Citizens are torn on the red nose giveaways, though.

“I get it, driving in your own car with a mask on is bonkers, but hey, if your clown name IS ‘Bonkers’ you just got a free clown nose for your weekend party. A 10 cent mask isn’t going to do you any good against a virus like this, no more than jeans can keep a fart from smelling. I guess to each their own, though. Just as long as I don’t get a ticket for it!” said one citizen we spoke with.

Just as a reminder, you all look really stupid wearing a mask alone in your cars.

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White