Restaurants will soon have their palates cleansed! That’s because Sioux Falls has agreed to allow local restaurants to reopen their smoking sections in efforts to cleanse the air of any airborne viruses.

“Ever since this whole thing happened, we’ve been looking for alternative ways for us to open our local watering holes and food establishments. We all shared an article the other day on the internet that stated a lot of smokers weren’t getting sick from the notorious coronavirus and the light bulbs went on! What if smoke in the air kills viruses like COVID?! At this point we believe there’s a good chance it could work, but what do we know? None of us are scientists,” said one city representative we spoke with.

It’s a bold strategy coming out of city hall, but restaurants seem to be game for the experiment.

“I mean, we all have to die sometime. It’s been to die in 50 years from second hand smoke, than next week from COVID, you know? It would really fast track reopening the economy, and put everyone back to work. It’d just be a little bit smokier, but I haven’t heard anyone complain about that lately. Heck, I’d even be open to legalizing marijuana and having people smoke that inside just as long as I can reopen my business!” said one local restaurant owner we spoke with.

Citizens are still torn on the idea, though.

“I think it could work! Not like there were ever certain sections of a restaurant, though. It was smoking section or less smokey section. Fry’n Pan was super awesome to go to late at night and just chill, though. I would be down to try it out again! It had a distinct smell so that after you left, people knew you were at the Pan. It was an awesome time I’d totally be down to revisit. I mean, we have people pumping gas for us again, why not smoking in restaurants?” said one local citizen we spoke with.

You’re no match for our smokey restaurants, COVID!

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White