The Sioux Falls Canaries have announced they are ready to open the season despite the COVID-19 outbreak plaguing the world right now, and it’s all thanks to them never having any fans in attendance.

“We’re really getting the last laugh now because we never have anyone in the stands. We’re allowed to get out and play baseball, while the rest of the city has to sit at home and try to find our games on the internet. Joke’s on them again, we don’t broadcast anywhere, so they wouldn’t be able to find it anyway! Ha!” said one Canaries representative we spoke with.

The announcement came about a month before the season is ready to start, but the season will start revving up in about 2 weeks when players report to the usual empty stadium.

“I’m ready for the season to start so I can get out there to our six fans and really try not to lose by 12 runs or more. Sometimes it’s tough to throw the ball around, but with all the weird stuff going on in the world, throwing a baseball has become therapeutic. I think the fans are going to have a great time this year, because we’ve been working on getting some new butts in the stands!” said one returning player we spoke with.

Canaries staff is also ready to get back into the swing of things!

“We’re ready to show all our fans what new games and such we’ve thought about over the winter! Instead of having them come onto the field for games, we just made a mobile app so they don’t have to leave their seats! The app will include a menu for our eateries, games if the baseball game is a blowout like usual, and a shop for merchandise in case they’re too lazy to hit up the shop on the way out after the 4th inning!” said one returning employee we spoke with.

I tried helping with attendance issues, but here I sit email-back-less.

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White