Physical newspaper sales and deliveries are down throughout the world, but one local Sioux Falls man has had particular trouble canceling his subscription through his paperboy.

“I’ve tried canceling this paper subscription for 2 years now, and every week it’s the same damn thing! I’ve nearly completed my online Jedi Arts training course, and I firmly the believe the paperboy will finally have to cancel my subscription after seeing how far I’ve come. No longer will I find newspapers I didn’t order scattered around my driveway when I snow blow!” said the Jedi trainee we spoke with.

The paperboy who continues to deliver the unwanted papers, believes it to be a hilarious joke and doesn’t consider the man to be dangerous.

“I’ve been doing it for years just to get his reactions. When he snow blows, the papers get all mangled up and mixed in with the snow. His reaction is like when the older generations used to put flaming bags of poop on doorsteps and people would stomp on them. [laughs] I’m not scared that he’s been training in the Jedi Arts, he trips over his robe every time he comes outside,” said the laughing paperboy.

Other paper deliverers believe some local residents don’t appreciate the art of paper delivery any more.

“It’s really an art. There’s a specific place on the porch where you’re supposed to throw it, so they can’t reach it from the porch, but it’s not far enough out to constitute putting actual clothes on. ‘Just out of reach’ is our motto down at the station. Plus, who even reads physical newspapers anymore? It’s like, 2020 now,” said one papergirl we spoke with.

No video has been taken of the Jedi tripping over his robe, unfortunately.

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White