A local Sioux Falls advocacy group announced Tuesday that they will be giving citizens who jaywalk, a chance to create their own crosswalks where they please.

“Walking in the middle of the street is an American right and ignorant people in Sioux Falls just need to get over it. It’s been around since the Roman times, so frankly, we are surprised it pisses people off so much. Many of history’s most prominent people did this, and so that is why we have decided to hand out free spray paint, so that citizens can be creative and create their own crosswalks where they please,” said the advocacy group’s leader.

Since walking 5 feet to the nearest crosswalk seems very tough, local scientists believe it is not.

“Getting some extra steps in for some seems very tough, especially when you pair it with eating a big lunch or breakfast. The science around walking the extra couple steps to the nearest crosswalk is something that scientists all over the world have been examining for decades, though. It’s unfair to believe it is neither harder or easier to do,” said one local scientist we spoke with.

Local citizens aren’t buying into it, though.

“What the hell is wrong with people? Creating your own crosswalks in front of a moving vehicle? What a great way to ruin everyone’s day. What kind of stupid ass group wants citizens kneeling in the middle of the street to create a crosswalk because it makes them feel good? Get off your phone, pay attention to your surroundings, and walk to the nearest crosswalk for your own safety!” said one local citizen we spoke with.

It is unclear if the city will host their own interactive map on where new crosswalks pop up or not.

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White