It was announced by Sioux Falls Animal Control that local geese will be hazed before they are accepted to local fraternity houses.

“There’s going to be some drinks, some food, and a lot of geese being hazed here. We only have a 1% acceptance rate, but don’t currently have any geese right now, so these recruits will definitely be vying for that open spot. We’re hoping to have a couple hundred show up for hazing,” said one local frat bro we spoke with.

No word on the exact count of geese that will be showing up to be hazed, but early numbers indicate a few hundred.

“Listen, my father was in this fraternity and he turned out to be one of the greatest geese in the area. I’ve got my Greek letter jacket on, and I’m ready to do whatever it takes to get in. It’s not only a family tradition, but something I’ve always looked forward to doing since I hatched,” said one local goose we spoke with.

Citizens believe the hazing should be kept to a minimum, but that it is good that every goose is receiving a fair chance to get in.

“I think it’s a great thing for the geese to do, and I support every one of them. If I had it my way, every goose would get in and world peace would be achieved, but we live in a cold-hearted world where not every goose is treated with the same respect as others. It’s really a problem and I trace it back to a certain party of politicians for everything wrong in the world,” said one citizen pissed off at the world or something.

Good luck to all geese that voluntarily get hazed!

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White