Local first graders have received funding of three lollipops and $5 to replace the brand new, “Meth. We’re On It” anti-drug campaign released by state officials yesterday.

“I think it’s going to be a great task for all of the kids. Not only are they getting paid in lollipops and $5, but they learn that there is money to be made in really bad marketing and publicity. I believe the kids will have a blast trying to outdo their peers from the grade below!” said one local teacher.

The anti-drug campaign made national headlines, so it’s no surprise the state is wanting more mature individuals to fix their flub.

“We’re dialing back on hiring anymore kindergartners for our marketing team from now on and will continue to hire the more mature choices. At the end of the day, we believe the kindergartners did a great job in getting the campaign to the viral stages throughout the nation, though! So that’s a small win for us,” said one state official we spoke with.

The first graders have not decided on how they’d like to approach the re-design yet, but we’re told they’re hard at work currently.

“It’s going to be a big surprise. There could be some glitter or unicorns! The options are endless for us! I think some of the kids just want to get it over with to get the lollipops and the $5 because they don’t care about the project. They’re just going to try and push it through and get it over with because it’s dumb,” said one first grade girl we spoke with.

Never send a kindergartner to do a first grader’s job.

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White