In a stunning turn of events, Sioux Falls City Council has approved a large purchase of monster trucks to handout to citizens instead of actually fixing potholes.

“There were a couple of different ideas on the table and we really felt this idea was the best of all of them. It allows citizens to trade in their current vehicles and drive off in a brand new monster truck that is capable of handling even the deepest canyons on our streets. It’ll cost a lot up front, but we think this plan has a good 10 year life span on it before we need to trade in the current models,” said one city councilor we spoke with.

Monster trucks have been on a steady rise across the city and city council has officially caught on to the craze.

“I saw a monster truck the other day handle this big ass crevice in the street that I hit every day on my way to city hall like an absolute boss. I got my phone out to text the other councilors about it and they all responded right away that they had seen the same monster truck around the city,” said another councilor we spoke with.

The trucks are said to be very good during the winter months, and they’ll also increase tax revenue from gasoline taxes the state currently has.

“They chug gas down like no other, which in turn increases tax revenue for the state. To hell with all that global warming stuff! Tax revenue is the best thing for South Dakota right now. This money can go to stuff like updating the governor’s mansion and fixing stuff that’s not currently broken. The representatives in Pierre are fully behind this Sioux Falls City Council purchase!” said one state representative we spoke with.

No timetable has been given on when monster trucks will be available.

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White