A good chunk of the bike trail has now been uncovered, and some in the area are excited to get on the bike trail to get back in shape. Others, not so much.

“You know, it’s still cold. So, I’m really waiting for it to warm up. I was really excited once the snow melted, but then it got super flooded and I couldn’t get out there. Now, it’s just really cold and I’m not going to risk hypothermia trying to get exercise!” said one local fat person we spoke with.

While some blame the cold weather, some bicycle riders are looking to the city to fix the bike trail potholes after the recent flooding.

“They’re finally filling in the road potholes, but what about the bike trail potholes that I could hit after this recent flooding took its toll on the trail. There’s absolutely no way I’m going to risk my health hitting potholes on the bike trail! After they’re all fixed, I will definitely be back on the trail with my Schwinn!” said another local fat person.

Experts believe the full trail will be accessible within the next couple days, but caution citizens to stay vigilant when running or riding in water.

“The water could be much deeper than expected. We recommend citizens take it easy on the trail for now just because we’re still not 100% sure. It’s always better to be safe than sorry, especially since there is no fencing around the whole river,” said one expert we spoke with.

Local fat people couldn’t agree with the expert more.

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White