Chunky e-bicyclists have begun zooming around the bike trail in Sioux Falls, but not all is fine and dandy in their world.

“I’m not losing any weight and it’s really starting to upset me. I get out
on the trail every single day with by E-Bike, but still not losing any weight. I can zoom past every other person exercising out there and I’m still chunkin’ along. It’s not fair,” said one e-bike owner we spoke with.

E-bicyclists recently took up issue with the city about being able to ride
on the trail, or something.

“It was really a waste of time. We have all of 4 e-bike riders in town and
city council is over here wasting a whole Tuesday night because their fat
butts feel entitled to use the bike trail,” said one angry citizen we spoke
with.

Many locals don’t know the difference between an e-bike, a moped, or a motorcycle…including me.

“An e-bike seems like an excuse to get on the trail, but not actually
exercise like the trail is meant to be for. It wasn’t meant for transportation of fatties who can’t peddle a bike like a regular person,” said another citizen we spoke with.

It’s a freaking moped, people.

Get over your lazy asses.

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White