Local citizen complaints about super duper scary wind turbines have risen substantially in recent years, and doctors are confused as to why.

“We treat a lot of ailments in this office, but we’ve really seen a rise in
night terrors attributed to wind turbines. It’s something we are taking
very seriously, but are still very confused about,” said one doctor we
spoke with.

It’s a confusing notion coming from a rural state like South Dakota, where
many farmers, and even non-farmers, claim to want to “live off the land”.

“Have you ever seen one of those things? At night they have these red
lights that come on and you can just tell they’re evilly watching you as
you live. It’s a terrifying notion to have one of those demonic things on
my land!” said one farmer we spoke with.

Many citizens have concerns about birds hitting them and dying…or
something.

“It’s not out of the ordinary for a bird to hit a clear window, or a fast-moving vehicle. But, if a bird hits a giant, slow moving windmill, they need more time to evolve to dodge. I mean, these are ancestors to dinosaurs. They’ll survive,” said one environmentalist we spoke with.

There are no figures on bird-wind turbine deaths currently available.

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White