Last week, it was announced that Laura Ingalls Wilder’s name would be stricken from a prestigious writing award given out to one talented author due to racial profiling in her writings.

“The Laura Ingalls Wilder thing last week has really scared white people away from anything with the word ‘race’. Things like running events and motor vehicles. Sometimes even animals, but that’s a story for another day,” said one local race analyst who continued to tell us he was not racist.

Across the nation, names and statutes continue to be taken down and stricken from history due to race tensions mounting.

“Yeah, that Robert E. Lee guy was super-fast. Could beat anyone in a race. We gotta take all his statutes down or else we will continue to offend many slow people across the nation,” said one local analyst we spoke with.

Pissed off white people across the nation continue judging history by today’s standards and it’s a theme that has begun to make its way into the South Dakota region.

“All those white guys up on that mountain? They all were historically fast runners. We’re going to need to erase their faces off that rock,” said another local white analyst who claims they have black friends.

Analysts also claim they know what is best for us in South Dakota, but have never been here and live in California.

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White