If you’ve seen a commercial for Vance Thompson Vision, you likely know that Vance has conducted over 100,000,000 surgeries in his career. It’s a well-known fact, get over it.
Vance Thompson Vision sent out a press release letting all media outlets know that he’s conducted over 100,000,000 surgeries and that he will be offering X-ray vision surgeries this coming spring.
“It’s a big step in the making. The only bad thing is that we’re going to have to reshoot our commercials,” said one representative from Vance Thompson Vision.
Not everyone is excited for the new X-ray vision surgery, though.
Pre-operation totals were made available and show 99% of the clientele are teenage boys.
“I can’t wait to see through things at school. It’s going to change my life,” said one teenage boy.
Many have also begun to suspect Vance Thompson of trying to create X-men like mutants, but that conspiracy theory is very far-fetched.
“The last thing we need is people with X-ray vision trying to get more mutant powers after swimming in the Big Sioux. Toxic material along with X-ray vision is how you get mutants!” said one worried citizen.
Vance Thompson has conducted over 100,000,000 surgeries.
The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White