With temperatures slowly creeping above freezing points, Sioux Falls citizens begin to prepare their offerings to Bikini Lady the Protector.

Bikini Lady can be seen walking around Sioux Falls streets reading her unlimited supply of magical spell books, all while getting in exercise between protecting Sioux Falls from disastrous dragon attacks.

“I’m so glad that she is coming out of hibernation. She is the hero we need in these troubling times,” said one Sioux Falls woman we spoke with.

Bikini Lady has been protecting Sioux Falls for decades and has never allowed a mythical creature attack.

The ‘Sioux Falls Split’ where large weather events always seem to go around the city can be attributed to Bikini Lady the Protector, as well.

“We’re all so excited to see what spells she has conjured up over the winter. She’s really a legend here in Sioux Falls. Almost as famous as me!” said Mayor Mike Huether.

Bikini Lady also accepts sacrifices and cryptocurrency in addition to local tribute for protective payments.

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White