You’ve likely started to see political television commercials literally anywhere they can pop up, but you’ve probably seen one more than any other.

“We’ve spent about 5x the amount of money as our competitor has, which means she’s obviously not qualified for this position. Money talks and when you’re building hotels on purchased realty, people will love you! It’s simple Sioux Falls economics, and we’re very ready to pass go and collect the position we paid nearly $100,000 for. The only thing left is to decide which restaurant we want to buy to have a celebratory dinner at tomorrow night,” said the Monopoly Man’s campaign.

While the Monopoly Man has touted his past political accomplishments like “having a child and traveling to Pierre a couple times,” many don’t believe this qualifies him for a spot at the city council table.

“This guy went to Pierre like 5 times, has a kid plastered all over his commercials, received $100,000 for a job that makes less than $20,000 a year, and has never been to a city council meeting. He probably should not get any votes, but hey what do I know? I’m just a citizen living in Sioux Falls that will probably have his house purchased for a Billion Auto parking garage with a Chick Fil A on top of it or something,” said one local citizen we spoke with.

Furthermore, citizens believe since the list was released of all of his donors, he would not be qualified to vote for almost anything without having an immediate conflict of interest.

“Literally every big project that has gone through Sioux Falls over the past couple years, the Monopoly Man would have a conflict of interest on by looking at his donor list. I’m not sure why citizens would want another ‘Yes Man’ on the council. There’s already enough of those on there, and I think the citizens of Sioux Falls are entitled to one councilor,” said another citizen we spoke with.

Please, please, PLEASE, vote Theresa Stehly tomorrow.

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White