The Sioux Falls Police Department has received increased numbers of phone calls as the city starts opening back up, but not for the reasons you might think.

“We’ve received about a 400% increase in tattletale calling. That means there are some among us who believe they are doing society a great favor by putting shrubbery or brush costumes on, sitting outside of grocery stores, and calling us to tell on a person who is not wearing a face mask going into a grocery store. We would like to remind people not to do this as it creates a backlog of cases we have to respond to and real crimes we aren’t able to get too,” said one SFPD representative we spoke with.

Some citizens think the ‘brush vigilantes’ are good for the city to have, but others not so much.

“Bro, I had this fucking bush call the cops on me the other day when I was going into the grocery store. Bushes nowadays trying to make arrests or something. The cops showed up and questioned why I wasn’t wearing a mask while I was looking at some apples to get for my kid. Luckily, I wasn’t arrested or anything like that at that point, but after the cops left, I left the store and took a piss in the bush that tattletaled on me. The police showed up again and arrested me for that, so now I’m a sex offender,” said one local citizen we spoke with.

City officials have not commented on the matter, but believe it will be straightened out when the city officially opens back up.

“We’re hoping to get bushes to stop calling the cops after we meet and officially open the city back up. This is a sheer waste of resources that our department doesn’t actually have to respond too. We could be using that money to build unfinished parking ramps downtown or not fixing roads. Since it hasn’t snowed and we’re not getting any revenue through downtown parking tickets, we’re getting real low on funding, so we want to also remind bushes to stop wasting police officer’s time,” said one city representative we spoke with.

At least they have some stylish sunglasses, though!

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White