The Ninjaffalo have returned from the Arctic realm after many centuries of deep slumber, as word spread to the sleeping giants that Murder Hornets have invaded their home territory.

“You’ve likely seen that Murder Hornets have claimed the Pacific Northwestern realm, so it’s no surprise that Ninjaffalo have claimed the Midwestern realm. It’s a move some saw coming, because their ancestors have been here so long. Though, some people call them bison, the cooler name is buffalo. We couldn’t think of a super badass name for anything to go with bison, so yeah,” said one local ethologist we spoke with.

Nature has shown nasty teeth this year, so it’s no surprise to see the deadly Ninjaffalo show up just as shit is hitting the fan.

“I don’t know that I can handle another murder animal at this point. It’s probably best to just stay inside my house and die of starvation. How can people even leave their houses with all these things just waiting to kill you? Murder Hornets, Ninjaffalo, pigeons? Give me ONE good reason to even live on this planet anymore! We are ALL GOING TO DIE!” said one local citizen who had a mental breakdown as we ended the interview.

Most citizens aren’t too worried about the new appearance of Ninjaffalo as regular buffalo account for almost no injuries or deaths yearly.

“Honestly, the only time you’re hurt by something like that, is if you’re being stupid around them. Now I can’t speak for how sneaky Ninjaffalo can be because I’ve never seen one, but regular buffalo are pretty burly and loud. They’ll mess up your car out in Custer, but that’s pretty much it. Unless you’re outside of your car and try to pet it, you’ll get the horns. With the Ninjaffalo, it looks like you could get sliced pretty quickly if they see you before you see them,” said one local citizen we spoke with.

What’s next, 2020?

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White

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