A couple weeks into 5G towers going live, no one has even noticed half of the Sioux Falls population is gone.

“It’s crazy! I’ve been all in on the city council drama surrounding who is blocking who on Facebook, I didn’t notice my own sister disappeared when 5G went live! It’s like a complete comic book event now that I stop and look around. Sioux Falls was officially ‘Thanosed’ right before our eyes and no one even noticed,” said one citizen we spoke with.

Some citizens welcomed the 5G towers obliterating half of the Sioux Falls population as opposed to paying attention to the Sioux Falls Politics group on Facebook.

“Honestly, with the drama going on over on Facebook, I’m totally okay with half the Sioux Falls population being ‘poofed’ away. It really clears up my Facebook feed, especially with elections coming up next year. Who wouldn’t love a nice and clear Facebook feed?” said local podcaster Robert M.

Other citizens tried reaching out to that random guy that stood on 41st street to warn everyone about 5G networks killing people.

“I need to find that guy to see what the next couple lottery numbers are. Someone needs to find that man and see what else he might know about in the future of the city. What kind of money are we going to need to pay him? We have a brand new downtown parking ramp worth about 20 million dollars, I’m really wondering if he’d like that for his futuristic knowledge?” said another citizen we spoke with.

Half of my fingers disappeared while writing this…

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White

Photo credit: Robert Mehling