A report released early Monday morning showed citizens spend considerable amounts of time awkwardly waiting in the middle of the street than at designated crosswalks.

“These figures aren’t surprising, really. We’re actually surprised we haven’t been dispatched to a car-pedestrian accident lately with all the people that annoyingly jaywalk when crosswalks are literally 30 feet away. That’s why they’re there, to help people cross busy streets without looking like a jackass in the middle of the street,” said a representative from the Sioux Falls Police Department.

It’s somehow still legal for people to jaywalk in this city and police say it’s going to get worse as the temperatures start to heat up.

“Summer is the time when we get the most calls for car-pedestrian accidents. We often see cars dodging pedestrians like they’re playing ‘Frogger’, but it’s too much of a hassle for our guys to actually ticket the person who is impeding traffic. We have much better things to do, like hide behind bushes and ticket people going 3 miles over the speed limit,” said the SFPD representative.

Most jaywalkers even have the nerve to walk right in front of you, look at your car coming toward them, and walk even slower.

“We hear a lot about people doing the stare down at cars coming at them while jaywalking. We don’t have any figures on how many people do it, but it’s getting to be a problem. It would be great just to smoke them as they stared you down and walked slower in front of you, but we’d like to remind everyone it’s illegal to do so,” said the SFPD representative.

Crosswalks exist for a reason, people.

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White