Over the weekend, a couple of assholes stole equipment from the ‘Christmas at the Western Mall’ display. The display raises money for Make-A-Wish.

“Honestly, we don’t have a lot of special places for these dicks, but I found a special spot for them. Not even the people here would do that, for real,” said Satan.

How people could steal from a display that benefits the Make-A-Wish foundation is beyond asshole-ish.

“Seriously though, there are murderers here that are waiting for them to arrive. That’s absolutely the bottom of the bottom, and the least we can do is give them to the correct people here once they arrive,” said Satan.

Authorities have been working around the clock to track down these dicks to make sure the owners get their equipment back.

“We’ve received an overwhelming amount of tips on where the douche bags might be and where they might be hiding the stolen goods. I’m sure their jail brethren are going to love these guys when they find out what they did,” said one Sioux Falls Police Department representative we spoke with.

For real, screw these guys.

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White