City Hall got a very good deal on tin foil hats this cyber Monday, and
they’ll be using them quickly for the incoming 5G cell phone towers.

“It’s just a precaution that we start wearing these hats. You never know what kind of dangers come with another G of cell phone towers. Plus, we got a killer deal on Amazon today!” said one representative we spoke with.

City officials continue to be terrified that the new 5G cell phone towers are going to read what their thoughts are, even though they post everything
on Facebook.

“I post updates on Facebook every time I get something. With these new
towers, my thoughts are going to be posted before I type them out! It’s
getting ridiculous what technology has become!” said one Facebook post by a city councilor.

Most citizens are stoked on the new 5G towers coming to Sioux Falls.

“My phone already knows my deepest, darkest secrets. No use in wearing a tin foil hat if I knowingly give it my life, anyway. I’ll just be able to check out my weird secrets a lot quicker now!” said one local citizen we spoke with.

Tin foil hats will not be provided to citizens by City Hall as they were not in the budget.

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White