The ancient technique of building a giant horse and secretly hiding inside
of it went sour last week, as a group of Iowans moved too slowly to exit the horse while it was near Sioux Falls.

“We were very suspicious of the horse coming near Sioux Falls as it was being moved but had no idea a group of illegal Iowans were set to pop out
and surprise us. We need to be more vigilant of what we bring into this
city. This could have been disastrous,” said one Sioux Falls Police Department representative we spoke with.

The plans were simple: load up the stomach of the horse, and as it moved
near Sioux Falls, pop out and drive really slow in front of citizens.

Fortunately, the Iowans moved too slowly for this to happen.

“Today is a dark day in our history. We failed to move on Sioux Falls. It’s
a conquer that’s been a slower process than usual, but we have agreed to never give up. Sioux Falls’ resistance is futile,” said the leader of the Iowan horse group.

The illegal Iowans have since dispersed near the middle of nowhere, South Dakota.

“This is some BS, man. I was promised a big city I can drive awfully in.
Now I’m out here in the middle of nowhere, where even if I drive like a
dumb ass, there is no one else around. This plan sucks,” said one Iowan we
spoke with near Montrose.

The Iowans have been rumored to be making another move on Sioux Falls this upcoming holiday season.

Remain vigilant.

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White