Over the weekend, a group of dumb teenagers managed to get themselves stuck on a rock in the middle of the Big Sioux and local rocks have finally grown tired of it all.

“I was just minding my own business on a lovely Saturday night, and all the sudden a group of dumb humans were stuck on me! I’m tired of these stories and I think it’s time for a fence!” said one local rock we spoke with.

The group of teens had obviously not been able to take English class yet, because they could not read signs around the river saying, “DON’T SWIM HERE, DUMBASSES. THANKS!”

“Honestly though, who would want to swim in the river?” It looks like chocolate milk and a toilet had a baby and named it the Big Sioux,” said one local we spoke with.

Falls Park safety has been a hot topic because people continue to be confused about nature and what it does.

“I was down at Falls Park, and there were no signs saying me and my friends couldn’t be dumbasses. So we continued! There was no sign against it!” said one teen who frequently needs assistance at Falls Park.

Sioux Falls Police have made it overwhelmingly clear they will not arrest or fine you as long as you say you are from out of town.

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White